Within every (near death) crisis is opportunity
In 2005, I was with my family in New York. I didn’t feel well once I returned home to Indiana and for several reasons. My marriage was under strain. I was taking nursing school classes during the day and working a part time job at night and on weekends. I had also been kicked out of the bedroom several months earlier. In short, things were not good in my house. So much so that death would have been akin to a pardon from the Governor. In a journal entry, I wished for a coma until the "it" was over.
I was tired and had a fever. But, I also was in a class designed to weed out the weaker nursing school applicants. Failure was not an option. So, I took meds to keep the fever manageable and kept up my grind. If you have not been in nursing school, imagine reading 200 pages of text a week.
After several days, I was exhausted. No amount of caffeine or those little bottles of energy drink could keep me moving. This began my first surrender as I drove myself to the local clinic with an X-Ray machine. Doogie Howser was holding down the fort that night at the local Doc-In-The-Box.
When he returned with my x-rays, his complexion matched his starched white jacket. My results? White out in all five lobes. Or for the non-clinical folks, pneumonia in the Schwarzenegger order of magnitude. I took my results and agreed to see my own doctor the next day. But, I lied...just a little.
Dr. Doogie thought I was going to my family practitioner. Instead, I was seeing my endocrinologist and I had no idea if she had seen an x-ray since med school. She had. She flipped out. She called the hospital and directly admitted me over the phone to the hospital. I agreed that I would go there directly. Ok, I lied again...just a little.
Before you get your boxers bunched over my stubbornness, I’ve worked in hospitals long enough to know the food stinks and the coffee tastes like hot water stirred with a brown crayon. I went home and had an English Breakfast, strong coffee and a hot shower. Then, I made my way to the hospital. That’s where things got fuzzy.
After several days, I was exhausted. No amount of caffeine or those little bottles of energy drink could keep me moving. This began my first surrender as I drove myself to the local clinic with an X-Ray machine. Doogie Howser was holding down the fort that night at the local Doc-In-The-Box.
When he returned with my x-rays, his complexion matched his starched white jacket. My results? White out in all five lobes. Or for the non-clinical folks, pneumonia in the Schwarzenegger order of magnitude. I took my results and agreed to see my own doctor the next day. But, I lied...just a little.
Dr. Doogie thought I was going to my family practitioner. Instead, I was seeing my endocrinologist and I had no idea if she had seen an x-ray since med school. She had. She flipped out. She called the hospital and directly admitted me over the phone to the hospital. I agreed that I would go there directly. Ok, I lied again...just a little.
Before you get your boxers bunched over my stubbornness, I’ve worked in hospitals long enough to know the food stinks and the coffee tastes like hot water stirred with a brown crayon. I went home and had an English Breakfast, strong coffee and a hot shower. Then, I made my way to the hospital. That’s where things got fuzzy.
I don’t remember my drive but I remember looking for a parking space. I don’t remember how my wife got there but I remember a guy in a white coat trying to explain what they were going to do to me. I remember my wife saying, “Do you understand?” Then, my second surrender - consciousness.
Other acts of surrender followed: independent breathing, kidney function, feeding,
communication, bathing and even my humanity as others spoke over my body as though I did not exist. I was a medical curiosity; there was no clinical trigger for my illness. Thus began my unplanned, two-week vacation / coma.
I was a stone skipping across the surface of consciousness. I had episodes of awareness that made no sense. I was seeing people I had not seen in months or years. They all had grim expressions on their faces. It eventually dawned on me that I must be truly ill.
Eventually, the things I had surrendered came back to me. First, was my precious identity via - of all things - finger spelling which I learned in Boy Scouts for a merit badge. I became an object of clinical curiosity with every shift change. I realized the scope of my fame as the parade of various physicians, specialists, technicians and nurses poked and prodded me. Why? Just as my clinical illness trigger was unknown, so too the reason for my equally dramatic turn around. Twenty-eight days after my admission, I came home to pick up where I left off.
That’s the black and white of my story.
But, something happened just after being removed from the respirator. It's something that stoked the embers of my soul. It’s what gave me the courage to redirect the trajectory of my life. It was my life boat for the storms to come after the coma: going bankrupt, getting divorced, going on welfare, loss of a son, and the suicide of my mother. It is why I am still here today; I call it Obstinate Spirituality.
It was my second night out of ICU and I couldn't get to sleep. Noise on the floor was too much for me. My nurse gave me Benedryl to help me sleep. I closed my eyes, tried several mental techniques and around 2 AM, I was finally able to get to sleep. As I drifted off, some of the thoughts wafting through my head were these:
- This is as close to Death’s door as I can get without tripping, skidding or stumbling over the thresh hold.
- Between Reiki and Silva Method, I had a good “team” on the other side. Why hadn’t I seen them?
- I should have had a NDE and was disappointed that I had not.
So. I. Did.
Other acts of surrender followed: independent breathing, kidney function, feeding,
communication, bathing and even my humanity as others spoke over my body as though I did not exist. I was a medical curiosity; there was no clinical trigger for my illness. Thus began my unplanned, two-week vacation / coma.
I was a stone skipping across the surface of consciousness. I had episodes of awareness that made no sense. I was seeing people I had not seen in months or years. They all had grim expressions on their faces. It eventually dawned on me that I must be truly ill.
Eventually, the things I had surrendered came back to me. First, was my precious identity via - of all things - finger spelling which I learned in Boy Scouts for a merit badge. I became an object of clinical curiosity with every shift change. I realized the scope of my fame as the parade of various physicians, specialists, technicians and nurses poked and prodded me. Why? Just as my clinical illness trigger was unknown, so too the reason for my equally dramatic turn around. Twenty-eight days after my admission, I came home to pick up where I left off.
That’s the black and white of my story.
But, something happened just after being removed from the respirator. It's something that stoked the embers of my soul. It’s what gave me the courage to redirect the trajectory of my life. It was my life boat for the storms to come after the coma: going bankrupt, getting divorced, going on welfare, loss of a son, and the suicide of my mother. It is why I am still here today; I call it Obstinate Spirituality.
It was my second night out of ICU and I couldn't get to sleep. Noise on the floor was too much for me. My nurse gave me Benedryl to help me sleep. I closed my eyes, tried several mental techniques and around 2 AM, I was finally able to get to sleep. As I drifted off, some of the thoughts wafting through my head were these:
- This is as close to Death’s door as I can get without tripping, skidding or stumbling over the thresh hold.
- Between Reiki and Silva Method, I had a good “team” on the other side. Why hadn’t I seen them?
- I should have had a NDE and was disappointed that I had not.
So. I. Did.
I was in a void of blackness and my consciousness was no longer tethered to my body. Having experimented several hundred times with astral projection, it was not unpleasant. I had a sensation of movement…of flying without any wind or friction. It was different than astral projection because, in this void, there was only my consciousness. Exercising understatement, I thought to myself, ‘This is interesting.’
A speck of light manifested before front of me. I could not discern if it was small and inches from my brow or a star millions of miles away. What I did know was that it was a fellow consciousness in this space. My thought was, ‘I wonder what that is?’ and the accompanying intention was I wanted to be closer to it to know what it was.
And it was instantaneously so!
I was now enveloped...no, embraced, in whiteness. No words can convey my complete satisfaction in this place. No hunger, no pain, no weakness, no petty human crap like back pain, an itchy foot or body odor. The gross, leaky meat sack we have to wear to be humans was a memory falling into the distance. This was... bliss. I imagine this is the bliss an infant feels wrapped in the arms of their loving mother.
‘Who are you?’ I thought.
‘I’m everything.’ I heard in my mind.
Although the words sounded like my own voice in my head, the carrier wave of emotional content that washed over me that was most surprising. It was infinite intelligence with love, joy, happiness and, of all things, a bit of mischief. Years later, as I stammered out an explanation to a colleague of mine, I would compare this experience to meeting God and discovering that God was George Carlin. We both agreed that George Carlin as God would be decidedly cool. I still smile about this.
At this point, I was no longer forming words but expressing myself with mental intention. Frankly, words were just too damn cumbersome. Intentions... with a bit of emotion were my words and punctuation now. At this point, I “asked” what is it that you want me to know?
A thin silver cord of energy or plasma appeared between us. With no apprehension, I attached to it. Holy hot sauce!
If I thought the carrier wave was intense, the direct connection to Source... without any of the dissonance created by my humanness... was gloriously overwhelming. I now had context for the word "rapture". I am coming up on my fourteenth year anniversary and it still brings me to tears. Every negative emotion, trauma, experience, or detriment you have ever been weighted down by is lifted as easily as taking off a hat that no longer fits. The re-connection with Source awakens the sleepwalking soul and any memory of ANY diminishment falls away effortlessly.
Time passed. Actually, time does not exist there. It would be more accurate to say I went from a state of receiving information and becoming comfortable with it to a state where I was ready and willing to receive more. There was much more! If you have seen the movie The Matrix, you will have a better understanding.
We were in a field of blackness now and I became aware of a snowflake. It was a crystalline, energetic structure that was finite but quite ornate. I noticed that our shared energetic thread was also a part of the snowflake structure. It hummed and pulsated as energy flowed throughout all of its intricate joints and angles. In its three dimensional shape, it reminded me of the fractal artwork which has always fascinated me. It has patterns that repeat, patterns that overlap, patterns that are identical except in ratio. I thought of the spiral created by the Fibonacci sequence as well as a richly performed orchestral piece of music. Rapturous!
I then had the awareness that the other points of light within the structure were actually the consciousness of my family members. I immediately had emotional access to all of them. In fact, that was how I recognized them...by their vibrational frequency. What seems interesting now that I am back, but felt obvious while I was there, was that death was meaningless. Family members who had passed away had a vibrational intensity that was just as strong as those who were still alive back on Earth.
Another curious memory is that I did not sense a slowing of the data rate as I was exploring my family member's emotions. I actually felt joy akin to a puppy who darts back and forth when a family comes home from a trip. I bounded back and forth checking out different vibrational rates. Perhaps this was an energetic way of just saying 'Hi!'. And though I tell you this story in a linear fashion, it was an instantaneous event.
The other thought I had was equivalent to the words ‘Ah, I remember how this feels’. Again, a period of reorientation occurred to better tune in to Source. Or another way of saying this would be I needed to pause so that I could return to the faster data rate in which Source communicated. I remember focusing my intention away from everyone and back to Source. Once ready, my intention was ‘Well, show me more’.
The sky exploded!
The curtain had been pulled away and the fractal pattern of the Universe had been revealed. The data coming into my head was the equivalent of moving from darkness to candlelight...to flashlight... and then to a magnesium fire. The fractal crystalline structure grew exponentially. I "saw" my family, my friends, my acquaintances, my patients, everyone I would ever meet, everyone they would ever meet, every energetic thing we've all interacted with... Only for a moment it appeared as a soccer ball before it became so complex that it would be easier to say it was a ball of crystalline fire. However, it would also be accurate to say that it was like an atomic structure because its volume was mostly empty space.
Source was still with me as I extended my intention to various places. I was happily surprised to find a friend, a stranger, a tree, a rock, another plant, another life form, another planet.
‘Oh, you want me to remember that we are all interconnected. Friend, family, foe, tree, rock, planets, solar systems, galaxies, and so on. We are part of Source. Source is infinite and connected to all. Ergo, we’re all connected to everything!’ What followed, I cannot describe. Words are as ineffective as trying to build a house with a Nerf hammer. My mediocre explanation is this - take the feelings of unconditional love, joy, acceptance, forgiveness, and pride and add the words 'YES! HE GETS IT!'. Pour it all into a bath and then submerge yourself into that sexy satori stew for a thousand years.
The structure vanished and I was back to where I started. Source and I were still connected by the beautiful silver strand…and it began to stretch as Source pulled away. ‘Oh. I’m going back now.’ I thought with no emotional content. Source continued to retreat until I opened my eyes to find myself staring at the 319 holes per tile that comprised the ceiling of my hospital room. According to the clock, about 90 minutes had passed.
Like a person briefly awakened in the middle of a great dream, I re-positioned myself around my pillows and IV lines, took a deep breath like a diver, and went back to sleep. I wanted more!
This time when I went to sleep, I found myself in a sweat lodge. I have never been in a sweat lodge before but I had heard them described. Judging from the terra cotta colored sand under my feet, I would say I was in the southwestern United States – maybe near the Four Corners.
The lodge was about four feet deep into Mother Earth with sandy stones embracing the circumference of the lodge. Each stone was about the size of a large shoe box and were stacked high enough so that while standing in the lodge, I could not see out. Stark white deadwood that had been bleached clean by decades of desert sun supported a thatched roof made from clumps of tied high grasses that grew in the area. A small shelf had also been thoughtfully dug out so the one could sit with their back leaning against the earthen wall.
These details are still so vivid. I think this is due, in part, so I could later discern that this was not a dream. My dreams are in two dimensions and when they have color, they’re muted. This experience was definitely 3D. I remember the heat on my cheeks, the comforting smell of the smoke, the coarseness of the sand under my hands, and the crackle of the fire as it slowly chewed through the hardwood.
My perceptions were the equivalent of a fade-in camera shot. Or a dimmer switch being slowly dialed up so that the room’s secrets could be revealed. Finally, I became aware of an ancient Indian sitting almost opposite of me in the sweat lodge. He was the epitome of what I thought an Indian should be with a few feathers braided into his hair and not the “war bonnet” that old Hollywood oft times portrayed. He wore an open vest of some organic material, pants from animal hide and…damn if he didn’t have the same gregarious smile that George Carlin was so well known for wearing.
What was most striking to me were the lines upon his face. It was an ancient and yet ageless face. Matching that grin were eyes that sparkled and shined forth with the same love with a bit of mischief I had felt earlier. Those eyes could have belonged to either a leprechaun or Santa Claus himself. But, god bless him, surrounding those sparkling eyes and loving grin was a face like a saddlebag left in the sun too long. These long furrows left shadows on his face no matter where he looked but you could tell he wore each one with pride. Well earned badges of courage perhaps.
We smiled at each other and, as I had done before, I spoke to him without words. I asked what I should call him. With twinkling eyes and a lopsided grin, he replied ‘Joy…with Attitude’. Oh yeah – I’m liking this guy.
During our conversation, the fire in the sweat lodge changed colors. In the beginning, it was colored like any normal fire. However, throughout the course of our discussion, the flames changed to an emerald green. When I started asking questions about my soul group, the fire turned purple. Otherwise, it was a conversation between a pupil and student who had not seen each other in a long while. However, the comforting sense of familiar camaraderie was ever present.
What followed was a conversation that seemed to be hours long and rather than subject you to dialogue, I will summarize:
We are spirits in a material world and it is meant to be a playground for learning.
We take ourselves too seriously & too often.
We are where we are by our own choice – by things we’ve created & by things we have allowed.
We are always connected to Source but we usually focus on the opera of our lives rather than Source.
Everyone has the capacity to be psychic / in touch with Source / be awake. It
only requires choice.
There are people who are awake and who are asleep. Some of the awakened are in learning mode. Some are in refinement mode like video game players who are replaying a level to get a better score.
Some of us here at this chaotic time are spiritual ‘paramedics’. There is a bumpy ride before us and those who are asleep are going to struggle. In short, some will change for the better and some will have to come back and try again.
Everyone has a team of helpers in the spiritual realm. Some are specifically for you; some are for when you require specialized help.
Practice love and forgiveness at every opportunity but start with yourself.
I had other information imparted to me that I am still not ready to surrender. Some of it
was specifically for me. Not so much warnings but navigational signposts as I had a very long and painful road that included divorce, bankruptcy, various physical injuries, professional sabotage, and a friend’s suicide. Any of these life events are capable of breaking a person but each one was an echo of an earlier event – from an earlier life.
Although painfully hard to manage, I derived a modicum of solace from the fact that I had chosen these events to shape me for a pathway yet to come. Knowing I had worked this out beforehand with other members of my soul group helped me come to terms with this. Finally, my team on the other side mitigated some of my pain. But from this pain came beauty!
The beauty of it all is that each of us are in the same boat – a boat built, in part, by our soul group, sailed on the winds of our free will with occasional navigational help from our team.
My spiritually transformative experience (STE) set me on a course of self-exploration I would not have taken otherwise. In fact, I consider it my “other” birthday. I know I am here in refinement mode and I know what theme I have been wrestling with for ages.
My quest has resulted in my murder, suicide, fall from grace or abandonment in nearly a dozen lifetimes. “It” compels me, drives me, challenges me, and sharpens my focus. "It” dares me to share my most painful moments in a way for the world to see. For the betterment of myself and others, I accept the challenge.
“It” has been a many headed Hydra in many life times, but this time I have tools I’ve never had before now. I may be wounded but, by George, I am not broken! None of us are! This (life)time, I am resisting the perception of safety that conformity presents. This (life)time, I will not try to hide it or rationalize it.
When I click ‘Publish’, it’s out there for the world to see, judge, ridicule, appreciate, or ignore. But as George might have said, if you’re gonna fall on your ass, you might as well make a big splash. Let's get wet!
A speck of light manifested before front of me. I could not discern if it was small and inches from my brow or a star millions of miles away. What I did know was that it was a fellow consciousness in this space. My thought was, ‘I wonder what that is?’ and the accompanying intention was I wanted to be closer to it to know what it was.
And it was instantaneously so!
I was now enveloped...no, embraced, in whiteness. No words can convey my complete satisfaction in this place. No hunger, no pain, no weakness, no petty human crap like back pain, an itchy foot or body odor. The gross, leaky meat sack we have to wear to be humans was a memory falling into the distance. This was... bliss. I imagine this is the bliss an infant feels wrapped in the arms of their loving mother.
‘Who are you?’ I thought.
‘I’m everything.’ I heard in my mind.
Although the words sounded like my own voice in my head, the carrier wave of emotional content that washed over me that was most surprising. It was infinite intelligence with love, joy, happiness and, of all things, a bit of mischief. Years later, as I stammered out an explanation to a colleague of mine, I would compare this experience to meeting God and discovering that God was George Carlin. We both agreed that George Carlin as God would be decidedly cool. I still smile about this.
At this point, I was no longer forming words but expressing myself with mental intention. Frankly, words were just too damn cumbersome. Intentions... with a bit of emotion were my words and punctuation now. At this point, I “asked” what is it that you want me to know?
A thin silver cord of energy or plasma appeared between us. With no apprehension, I attached to it. Holy hot sauce!
If I thought the carrier wave was intense, the direct connection to Source... without any of the dissonance created by my humanness... was gloriously overwhelming. I now had context for the word "rapture". I am coming up on my fourteenth year anniversary and it still brings me to tears. Every negative emotion, trauma, experience, or detriment you have ever been weighted down by is lifted as easily as taking off a hat that no longer fits. The re-connection with Source awakens the sleepwalking soul and any memory of ANY diminishment falls away effortlessly.
Time passed. Actually, time does not exist there. It would be more accurate to say I went from a state of receiving information and becoming comfortable with it to a state where I was ready and willing to receive more. There was much more! If you have seen the movie The Matrix, you will have a better understanding.
We were in a field of blackness now and I became aware of a snowflake. It was a crystalline, energetic structure that was finite but quite ornate. I noticed that our shared energetic thread was also a part of the snowflake structure. It hummed and pulsated as energy flowed throughout all of its intricate joints and angles. In its three dimensional shape, it reminded me of the fractal artwork which has always fascinated me. It has patterns that repeat, patterns that overlap, patterns that are identical except in ratio. I thought of the spiral created by the Fibonacci sequence as well as a richly performed orchestral piece of music. Rapturous!
I then had the awareness that the other points of light within the structure were actually the consciousness of my family members. I immediately had emotional access to all of them. In fact, that was how I recognized them...by their vibrational frequency. What seems interesting now that I am back, but felt obvious while I was there, was that death was meaningless. Family members who had passed away had a vibrational intensity that was just as strong as those who were still alive back on Earth.
Another curious memory is that I did not sense a slowing of the data rate as I was exploring my family member's emotions. I actually felt joy akin to a puppy who darts back and forth when a family comes home from a trip. I bounded back and forth checking out different vibrational rates. Perhaps this was an energetic way of just saying 'Hi!'. And though I tell you this story in a linear fashion, it was an instantaneous event.
The other thought I had was equivalent to the words ‘Ah, I remember how this feels’. Again, a period of reorientation occurred to better tune in to Source. Or another way of saying this would be I needed to pause so that I could return to the faster data rate in which Source communicated. I remember focusing my intention away from everyone and back to Source. Once ready, my intention was ‘Well, show me more’.
The sky exploded!
The curtain had been pulled away and the fractal pattern of the Universe had been revealed. The data coming into my head was the equivalent of moving from darkness to candlelight...to flashlight... and then to a magnesium fire. The fractal crystalline structure grew exponentially. I "saw" my family, my friends, my acquaintances, my patients, everyone I would ever meet, everyone they would ever meet, every energetic thing we've all interacted with... Only for a moment it appeared as a soccer ball before it became so complex that it would be easier to say it was a ball of crystalline fire. However, it would also be accurate to say that it was like an atomic structure because its volume was mostly empty space.
Source was still with me as I extended my intention to various places. I was happily surprised to find a friend, a stranger, a tree, a rock, another plant, another life form, another planet.
‘Oh, you want me to remember that we are all interconnected. Friend, family, foe, tree, rock, planets, solar systems, galaxies, and so on. We are part of Source. Source is infinite and connected to all. Ergo, we’re all connected to everything!’ What followed, I cannot describe. Words are as ineffective as trying to build a house with a Nerf hammer. My mediocre explanation is this - take the feelings of unconditional love, joy, acceptance, forgiveness, and pride and add the words 'YES! HE GETS IT!'. Pour it all into a bath and then submerge yourself into that sexy satori stew for a thousand years.
The structure vanished and I was back to where I started. Source and I were still connected by the beautiful silver strand…and it began to stretch as Source pulled away. ‘Oh. I’m going back now.’ I thought with no emotional content. Source continued to retreat until I opened my eyes to find myself staring at the 319 holes per tile that comprised the ceiling of my hospital room. According to the clock, about 90 minutes had passed.
Like a person briefly awakened in the middle of a great dream, I re-positioned myself around my pillows and IV lines, took a deep breath like a diver, and went back to sleep. I wanted more!
This time when I went to sleep, I found myself in a sweat lodge. I have never been in a sweat lodge before but I had heard them described. Judging from the terra cotta colored sand under my feet, I would say I was in the southwestern United States – maybe near the Four Corners.
The lodge was about four feet deep into Mother Earth with sandy stones embracing the circumference of the lodge. Each stone was about the size of a large shoe box and were stacked high enough so that while standing in the lodge, I could not see out. Stark white deadwood that had been bleached clean by decades of desert sun supported a thatched roof made from clumps of tied high grasses that grew in the area. A small shelf had also been thoughtfully dug out so the one could sit with their back leaning against the earthen wall.
These details are still so vivid. I think this is due, in part, so I could later discern that this was not a dream. My dreams are in two dimensions and when they have color, they’re muted. This experience was definitely 3D. I remember the heat on my cheeks, the comforting smell of the smoke, the coarseness of the sand under my hands, and the crackle of the fire as it slowly chewed through the hardwood.
My perceptions were the equivalent of a fade-in camera shot. Or a dimmer switch being slowly dialed up so that the room’s secrets could be revealed. Finally, I became aware of an ancient Indian sitting almost opposite of me in the sweat lodge. He was the epitome of what I thought an Indian should be with a few feathers braided into his hair and not the “war bonnet” that old Hollywood oft times portrayed. He wore an open vest of some organic material, pants from animal hide and…damn if he didn’t have the same gregarious smile that George Carlin was so well known for wearing.
What was most striking to me were the lines upon his face. It was an ancient and yet ageless face. Matching that grin were eyes that sparkled and shined forth with the same love with a bit of mischief I had felt earlier. Those eyes could have belonged to either a leprechaun or Santa Claus himself. But, god bless him, surrounding those sparkling eyes and loving grin was a face like a saddlebag left in the sun too long. These long furrows left shadows on his face no matter where he looked but you could tell he wore each one with pride. Well earned badges of courage perhaps.
We smiled at each other and, as I had done before, I spoke to him without words. I asked what I should call him. With twinkling eyes and a lopsided grin, he replied ‘Joy…with Attitude’. Oh yeah – I’m liking this guy.
During our conversation, the fire in the sweat lodge changed colors. In the beginning, it was colored like any normal fire. However, throughout the course of our discussion, the flames changed to an emerald green. When I started asking questions about my soul group, the fire turned purple. Otherwise, it was a conversation between a pupil and student who had not seen each other in a long while. However, the comforting sense of familiar camaraderie was ever present.
What followed was a conversation that seemed to be hours long and rather than subject you to dialogue, I will summarize:
We are spirits in a material world and it is meant to be a playground for learning.
We take ourselves too seriously & too often.
We are where we are by our own choice – by things we’ve created & by things we have allowed.
We are always connected to Source but we usually focus on the opera of our lives rather than Source.
Everyone has the capacity to be psychic / in touch with Source / be awake. It
only requires choice.
There are people who are awake and who are asleep. Some of the awakened are in learning mode. Some are in refinement mode like video game players who are replaying a level to get a better score.
Some of us here at this chaotic time are spiritual ‘paramedics’. There is a bumpy ride before us and those who are asleep are going to struggle. In short, some will change for the better and some will have to come back and try again.
Everyone has a team of helpers in the spiritual realm. Some are specifically for you; some are for when you require specialized help.
Practice love and forgiveness at every opportunity but start with yourself.
I had other information imparted to me that I am still not ready to surrender. Some of it
was specifically for me. Not so much warnings but navigational signposts as I had a very long and painful road that included divorce, bankruptcy, various physical injuries, professional sabotage, and a friend’s suicide. Any of these life events are capable of breaking a person but each one was an echo of an earlier event – from an earlier life.
Although painfully hard to manage, I derived a modicum of solace from the fact that I had chosen these events to shape me for a pathway yet to come. Knowing I had worked this out beforehand with other members of my soul group helped me come to terms with this. Finally, my team on the other side mitigated some of my pain. But from this pain came beauty!
The beauty of it all is that each of us are in the same boat – a boat built, in part, by our soul group, sailed on the winds of our free will with occasional navigational help from our team.
My spiritually transformative experience (STE) set me on a course of self-exploration I would not have taken otherwise. In fact, I consider it my “other” birthday. I know I am here in refinement mode and I know what theme I have been wrestling with for ages.
My quest has resulted in my murder, suicide, fall from grace or abandonment in nearly a dozen lifetimes. “It” compels me, drives me, challenges me, and sharpens my focus. "It” dares me to share my most painful moments in a way for the world to see. For the betterment of myself and others, I accept the challenge.
“It” has been a many headed Hydra in many life times, but this time I have tools I’ve never had before now. I may be wounded but, by George, I am not broken! None of us are! This (life)time, I am resisting the perception of safety that conformity presents. This (life)time, I will not try to hide it or rationalize it.
When I click ‘Publish’, it’s out there for the world to see, judge, ridicule, appreciate, or ignore. But as George might have said, if you’re gonna fall on your ass, you might as well make a big splash. Let's get wet!